Limitations
By Kurt Bullis
We’ve just moved a few weeks ago and we’ve been having the hardest time getting settled. We haven’t been getting good sleep, or enough of it. We’re either too cold or too hot at night. And we haven’t gotten used to the sound of the trains yet.
Yesterday I came home from work half way through the day with a migraine. Maybe due to stress or lack of sleep, or both. Or maybe it’s some other factor all together. Whatever the cause, the reality I’m being confronted with of late is that we have limitations. We need sleep. If we don’t get it, there are consequences. Our bodies and spirits can only handle so much stress before breaking down.
Shortly after college, one of my housemates died in a car accident while on the road visiting his family. The weather was turning into winter and the road conditions weren’t great, but Andrew was speeding along anyway. He lost control of his car and the crash killed him.
At the funeral, his brother said some words that I think will always stay with me. He was addressing the question of God’s will in the situation. Was it God’s will that Andrew died at that time and in that way? No, he said. Instead, the reality is that we live in a world where there are consequences. When you drive that fast and lose control, the consequence is that you can die. Andrew’s life went all the way up to the limit of the realities of this world.
Freedom is understood as the ability to do what you want. But this is only partly true. Tim Keller uses the illustration of a fish when talking about freedom in his book The Reason for God. A fish is only free if he stays within the boundaries of his identity. The truth about fish is that they breathe water. A fish out of water is not a free fish. It’s a dead fish.
I hate being sick and don’t do well with it. I think the reason has a lot to do with the reality of limits. When I was home sick yesterday, I came face to pillow with my capacity. I could not continue to work at my job. When I got home, I could not go to the park with my wife and daughter. I could have pushed myself, but the consequences wouldn’t have been far off.
We worship a limitless God, right? Jesus was crucified, was died and was buried. And he came back to life. God could have stopped that car accident from happening that killed my housemate. God could keep sickness away. God could reach into the laws of nature and rework them so that fish can live out of water. We know this is true and we know that stuff like this has happened before. We call them miracles.
So why does God break the rules sometimes and other times keep them firmly in place? I don’t know. At least not in a universal theological sense. I’m at the point of my life where most of the pain I experience comes to me through my own bad choices. The ways I’m confronted with the limits of reality have largely to do with discovering myself.
When I get sick, it is God’s grace telling me I have been created to be taken better care of. When I get sick, it is God’s grace teaching me the ways I have been fearfully and wonderfully made. When I get sick, it is God’s grace showing me the order of his universe which he has pronounced good.
I should probably be sleeping now. And I think I will.
September 14, 2010 at 9:03 pm
I’m sick & getting ready for bed as I write this. Great reminders Kurt.
September 15, 2010 at 12:24 pm
I just have to comment. Actually a few comments: A farmer never plants more than he can tend and harvest, otherwise it is a waste — or worse. (i.e. There is only so much any one can do properly/well/successfully/etc.)
The horizon doesn’t limit the sun. Rather, it provides a context for its expression.
Desire is endless, utility is not.
So we as humans, even though now in Christ are indestructible and eternal, will always have defined limits, though at times the limits may not be clear (at least to us).
Creation by definition has limits or demarcations – a bounded range. But like the three primary colors; or the 7 basic musical notes + 12 sharp or flat notes; or just the 20 amino acids that compose all known living organisms (including people); a nearly infinite variety can be conjured up when God speaks.
Learning how to live within our limits or bounded nature & existence is a big part of what grace-full living is all about.
So enjoy your sleep.
September 15, 2010 at 9:43 pm
Very insightful thoughts and so on target. Just thinking of sleep now…
September 17, 2010 at 11:48 am
A good reminder. Been there a million times…..volitionally. Oh well. We move on, learn, grow….
When I think I’m limited, I try to put a positive spin on it. There are two ways to look at anything, right? I mean, when was the last time you had permission just to lay down and sleep ALL DAY? Sure, you held yourself from it, and you are experiencing said results. It’s not necessarily all bad, though, right? Well, maybe if you’re vomiting and all that…..nonetheless, God still loves you. And if you’re not vomiting, you at least got yourself a mini vacation.
Here’s the real kicker. When I’m incapacitated, I am confronted with my attitude that the world needs me….they really, really need me. I mean, if I’m out cold, who’s going to work for me? I mean, I’m always surprised that my company even EXISTS when I’ve been out sick or on vacation. How they go on without me, I will never know. And who will be able to live without my company at social gatherings (I don’t have family or kids, so that’s all I got basically)? I NEED to be there. And CHURCH! I mean, people’s very SOULS are at stake, and I’m going to lay down with a fever and pretend I don’t have a responsibility to save every one of them any way I can?? Everyone is depending on me….me….me….me……….and so on.
I’m sick of all that (pun intended, I guess). I much rather prefer at this point to chill out. Nobody really needs me….not in THAT way at least. We all offer gifts and blessings to one another, but our salvation is not dependent on them. “We love because he first loved us.” If I take the focus off me (which is very hard when sick, I know), surprisingly I find that God is there, not with a hammer to bludgeon me, but with a great love and care for me that is truly healing to my bones.